Living Large…

My dad

I celebrate him quietly. My father has been gone 19 years, and a day doesn't go by that I do not think of him, wishing I could tell him what is happening in my world. It took me several years to stop reaching for the phone to call him. Today, it is more of a gentle ache, thinking of him and wishing my thoughts to the starry heavens.

My brother-in-law, Scott, wrote a eulogy capturing the essence of him. It is the greatest gift, having the following words to remember a man who brought love and laughter into our lives. I reread it today on the eve of Father’s Day, just as I have for the past 19 years.

My dad and Miss Claire

It never dawned on me until I sat down to write this how very appropriate it was that I met Tom in Las Vegas. The bright lights remind me of his holiday displays. The atmosphere is filled with the same eternal sense of optimism that surrounded Tom. The gambler’s unshakable conviction that the big win is right around the corner. The belief that life should be lived large.

Living large at Christmas.
My father's Christmas lights in our front yard.

We had an almost instant connection and spent a lot of time talking over that first weekend and many other times on his porch. I learned the first night that Tom had two things he was passionate about his family and his work. He spoke a lot of how he cared for his family and how proud he was of his children. He wanted everything for them. Unlike many fathers when they speak of what they want for their children, he wanted his children to have things their way, to be happy in their own way. He made it clear that their happiness was his happiness.

When he talked about his work, it wasn't about deals or profits; it was about "the thrill of the chase" and the pride he felt teaching his sons a way to make a living. He told me, "Life's too short to do something you don't enjoy". Though the topic was business, it was clear he meant more. In many conversations over the years, the topic would concern his philosophies in life. One strong belief he held is that people should always pursue what they wanted rather than wait around for it to happen.

Tom knew how to live. He truly believed that life was meant to be a pleasure and pursued life the way he went about everything: full tilt and in a big way. A meal at this home was never just a meal...it was a feast. A party wasn't a party unless it was a big affair. He had two Christmas trees because one was always obscured by all the presents. And pleasure wasn't pleasure unless it was shared, and the more people he shared it with, the more he enjoyed it.

My father... living large on the sea.

Tom was the most giving person I ever met, the only person I've ever known who always gave selflessly, He would actually seem embarrassed when someone thanked him, as if he thought that, had he given enough, there would be no room for thanks. He rarely spoke of what he did for people...he just did it. Tom showed his love through actions more than words, and his actions showed that he always thought of the happiness of others, and that there weren't enough words to express how much he loved his family more than anything in the world.

Tom's actions gave pleasure and happiness to everyone who has ever known him. Remembering that happiness is remembering Tom.

Written by Scott Nelson

Remembering my dad, who gave me more happiness than a daughter could wish for.

My father and me on my wedding day, with a dance and a kiss…

And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms,

slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of

soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never

to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. They existed.

We can be. Be and be better. For they existed.

'When Great Trees Fall'

by Mary Angelou

With special thanks to Scott for making each Father's Day so special to me.

For everyone celebrating fathers, past and present, Happy Father’s Day.

#beginagainwriting17